Living in Strength

Living in Strength by Crystal Eves

Most human beings have a weak spot in their psyche. Generally it is some aspect of ourselves that we feel is inferior, or about which we are doubtful. For some people it's appearance, too fat, too thin, too scrawny, too tall, too short, crooked teeth, big nose, thin hair, odd shape. For others it's personality traits and abilities, too slow, too disorganized, too bold, too quirky, too stubborn, too rash, too irresponsible.
A good way to identify our weak spots is to think about where we feel "too" but rarely is that necessary, because where we feel weak is usually where we also feel regular guilt, and that doesn't require any investigation because it stares us in the face daily.
It's terrible to feel apologetic for who we are, to feel inadequate on some level, but almost all of us do to some extent and while this may seem like an individual problem, it extends much further than that.
It has a huge effect on our relationships.
One such effect is intolerance of that same defect in others. So a person who feels she hasn't achieved enough in her life is more apt to put pressure on her spouse and children to succeed. Further the amount of pressure will be proportionate not to how the children and spouse actually perform but to how badly the person exerting the pressure feels about herself.
Another relationship effect of having a weak spot is that when our family members have outbursts or problems, there is a tendency for us, because of the guilt we carry, to immediately assume our weak spot is the reason. Take for example a mother who feels that she is too focussed on her career. Whom do you think she blames the moment anything goes wrong in her child's life, his choices, or the fact that she worked so many late nights?
When we assess situations from our most vulnerable place, we are preoccupied with our own guilt and shame, and this means that we may not be seeing things clearly. Subsequently, we may react personally to things that have nothing to do with us at all.
If we want to have happier relationships, it would be wise to examine and heal these areas of weakness, to get clear that there is nothing wrong with us or to take steps to fix it if there is. Once solid, we will be able to look at everyone in our life, including ourselves, and see the truth: that we are not being accused or let down nearly as much as we had previously thought.
Crystal
Copyright 2006, Crystal Eves